1. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield 

2. 21 I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. Rodney Dangerfield 

3. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield 

4. Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. Rodney Dangerfield 

5. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers,[sentencedict .com] and a bartender. Rodney Dangerfield